Tuesday, May 5, 2020

things to do in bastard Galaxy (part one)



After their hosts dies in a tavern brawl, a whispering worm scholar is looking for a temporary host and a ride back to the planet Sargos. Sargos is home to vast trackless kelp forests and hidden deep within them is the Academy of Eels. In return for carring the Whispering Worm all the way to the Academy, they will use the orrey of Eels to give you coordinates to catch up to one of the Cosmic Eels in their vast circuit of the Galaxy. Harvesting the lesser Eels that swarm around them can be quite profitable. Just be aware of the memetic eels.

The editor of the Pan Galactic poetry journal has a problem; they keep sending correspondents to cover a poetry festival on the backwater planet of Jorgu but they keep winding up dead. The Fesitival is held during the peak of planetary summer in a fishing community right on the edge of polar zone. Generally unguessed by the inhabitants or the editor, the contest is for the benefit of the Sea Serpent Jurgumurgo. She has been collecting poems this way for thousands of years. The villagers paddle out of the harbor in small canoes and kayaks and recite their poems over the open water. Everyone is expected to give a poem, even outsiders. After all poems are given, there is moment of stillness where everyone closes their eyes and Jurgumurgo eats the worst poet. She is heavily biased towards the traditional ballads favored by the locals, which is what lead to the editor's problem. A transcript of all the poems said at the festival is worth quite a lot of credits to them.

The leaders of Osgren wish to learn new techniques of cooking from across the Galaxy. However, they need to make sure any new innovations are practical for the unforgiving wilds of Osgren. To these ends, they have created the kitchen trials, where chefs from off world compete with locals to see who's cuisine reigns supreme. Before the main event contestants are expected to acquire their own native ingredients. Off planet ingredients can be used but the whole dish must be at least half native. This can be challenging as the locals are generally unhelpful. The economy is barter based and shopkeepers will demand outrageous trades (like a whole plasma rifle for a basket of half dead wrigglers). The best way to get anything is to volunteer on hunting missions, but even then expect to get stuck with the worst roles, such as sword ape bait. After the preparation is complete 2-4 chefs go head to head in a burned out caldera. Contestants may not interfere with each other beyond throwing 3 projectiles chosen before hand. The judges are a rotating board of native experts and foreign dignitaries.  The winner earns the favor of the Chairman, which opens a lot of doors in Osgren.


The Counter Gnomic researcher and drug dealer Degravo needs a courier to take an E-drug software program from his base in the Sphere Swarm to a Mu-Boll "business man" in an orbital station above Dirt. The catch is that this program, fire.god has a safety protocol that means it can only run on a single piece of hardware at time, deleting itself as it transfers from system to system. What's more is that it will not restart if the hardware it's running on is reset. If it is left running on a non-sapient machine it will catalyze the birth of sapient software agents. If it runs on a Sapient machine it causes widespread sensory glitches and the delsuion of divine contact. Long term users report nootropic effects.

A remote island lab in the nano machine sea of the Proving Grounds has gone dark. This lab was a breeding facility for Gnomic prosthetics. The last transmission suggests that the prosthetics have gone feral somehow. It is believed that the limbs, eyes and prosthetic organs now have the run of the facility. A high ranking doctor needs you to retrieve a secret project; a rare Gnomic cyberbrain. They are unaware that the cyberbrain is the source of the disturbance.

A rare cyber fairy has been spotted in Gnome Mart. The fairy of sudden ends has the power to trigger massive shutdowns of Gnomic ecology. This followed by a feeding frenzy as the dead sections are eaten and rebuilt. The fairy is quite valuable, both as a research subject and as a collector's item. Some of the AGA personnel also searching for the fairy can no longer be described as sane. They will react badly to anyone they think is trying to steal "their" fairy.


Mistress Deep Night has been teasing a new product launch for her mystery cult/subscription service. Molsheen the Deviant planetoid is feeling excluded so it has furnished you with fake aristo identities. Your mission is to infiltrate Dark Drop and surreptitiously record your sensoriums as you experience the new product. This is directly contradicted by the terms of service, so you're going to need to dodge the Mistresses' counter intel forces.

The Candyman Lord Whimsy is distraught. Human privateers have hijacked a shipment, that along with candy weapons and food, also happened to contain his latest project. He will pay dearly for the return of "the egg". He won't say what it is, only that it will bring smiles to the whole galaxy. The privateers have been eating the shipment and they already show the first signs of candy psychosis. Also, you aren't the only team Lord Whimsy has hired and they won't see the Egg as recovered until its in their possession.

The Crusty Crucible is a time acceleration device  used by the Intergalactic Candy Company to evolve new products. The advanced candy biome is harvested by workers called scrapers. Lately they have been disappearing, which is troubling as the crucible is sealed. The higher ups are looking to hire a trouble shooting team to investigate.

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